Crushed

January 30, 2009 at 9:35 pm 7 comments

It seemed innocent enough.  A simple phone call from a friend whose kids are preschool classmates of my kids.  She had a concern about one of her little ones and wanted some input from a fellow Mom.  No worries.  Like most days, in the natural progression of conversation, I asked her what she had planned for the weekend.  She said, “we have Joe’s birthday party tomorrow, but that’s about it.”

Joe is also in my kids’ preschool class.  Our very, small, co-op, community driven preschool class.  It seems most all of the other children were invited.  My kids were not.

I rushed her off the phone as quickly as I could, after mumbling something about hating all the other Moms in our class having to wash my hair, and hung up.  I found myself turning a shade of pissed off I’d never experienced before.  At 3 years old, they’ve been socially excluded for reasons beyond their control.

I could understand if we didn’t know this particular birthday celebrant or if I had never had contact with either of the parents, except that’s not the case.  We’ve run into the family on several occasions outside of the normal course of school and each time, the next time I’ve run into Joe’s Mom, she’s always commented how Joe was so!  excited!  to see Max and Sara!

Also, the pill might be easier to swallow if this wasn’t the age when, if you invite one kid from your class, your kinda sorta should invite all of them, no?  My sweet friend Lala brought up a good point that, perhaps, like in her case, she can’t accomodate for a large group of kids, and that very well may be the case.  Unfortunately, I doubt that too, since our kids attend preschool in a neighboring town where the median home price is about $400,000.

Of course, I don’t know the exact details, and I’m simply speculating here, but this Mom has all but made my worst fears a reality.

See, to the untrained eye, my kids act a little, let’s call a spade a spade here, odd.  My son screams at the sound of a bell and my daughter, well…she doesn’t say much at all.  But, to those who know them can attest to their unique personalities, abundance of smarts and warped senses of humor.  I’ve maintained that my greatest worry is that others will judge my kids by what they see in brief snapshots in time rather than getting to know my children for who they really are.  This little drama proves my cynical view of the real world isn’t so off base.

Of course, my kids are oblivious to it all, having no idea about any issues their Momma may have with how others take to them.

I’d like to keep it that way for as long as I can.

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Entry filed under: Autism/Aspergers or Something Like It, Momma Drama.

Our Snow Day In Pictures It’s Not Where, But Who You’re With That Really Matters*

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. divrchk  |  January 31, 2009 at 6:11 am

    You were within every right to say something. She should have lied, but she didn’t so you should have totally called her out on it.

    Reply
  • 2. Lala  |  January 31, 2009 at 6:13 am

    I have p’s 3rd coming up in six weeks and I approached the preschool teacher and explained I can’t invite everyone, that I was looking for 4 names of kids p especially likes. I am deathly afraid of making the kind of mistake Joe’s mother made when the class is only 15 kids. I think you should approach the teacher and tell her how it made you feel. At the very least you need to get it off your chest.

    Reply
  • 3. Miss W  |  January 31, 2009 at 7:00 am

    I’m really hoping that it is, somehow, as Lala suggested, an issue of space or other constraints. Perhaps only one or two children from the class were invited and the rest is filled with family and close friends?

    And for the record, having met your gorgeous children, they don’t come across as “the weird kids.” Sara is a bit quiet, but so are a lot of kids! And the lowercase adores them. He is still talking about going to the museum with them and lunch in the jungle place. And oh my gosh he can’t get over that Max used the potty and how cool that was!

    I know you’re worried, like any mom worth her salt would be, but I’m sure there’s another explanation. And if there isn’t, quite frankly, those parents aren’t worth your time and energy anyway!

    Reply
  • 4. afc  |  January 31, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    are you absolutely positive that other kids from the class were invited?? my first thought was that “joe” was just having a family party, but if you know for certain that other kids were invited, well, then i see your concern. the only other rationale i can come up with is if “joe” is not her first child and this woman already *had* friends in the class & only invited those children. (with my second child i was so over inviting the whole class & making idle chitchat with people i didn’t know!).
    curious to hear if there really is a reasonable explanation …. maybe she reads your blog & can leave a comment? 🙂

    Reply
  • 5. afc  |  January 31, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    oh wait, upon re-reading this, i get it now .. you weren’t on the phone w/Joe’s mom, but another mom from the class ….
    BLECH!

    Reply
  • 6. MJ  |  January 31, 2009 at 11:34 pm

    Not being a confrontational person, but being someone who just deals with crap as it comes (or trys to, to the best of my ability), I think you need to talk to the mom. If she is so shallow as to exclude your kids because of something so LAME, then she sucks. But she might just be a flake.

    (I forgot to invite my sister-in-law to my baby shower. I’m a total cad. She never brought it to my attention, I realized it a week later and promptly apologized. But still felt like a heel.)

    For the record, you are a great mom. The love you have for your kids shows in your writing. And so what if Max has sensory issues and Sara is quiet. I would gladly take those “issues” over a spoiled brat any day of the week.

    Reply
  • 7. Carrie  |  February 1, 2009 at 6:07 am

    How heartbreaking!

    Could it be the case that maybe she didn’t invite everyone else and purposely exclude your little ones? Or did she mention the invitees?

    Either way I find it ironic that she calls you for advice and support, obviously seeing what a fantastic mom you are and valuing your opinions and benefiting from her talk with you AND THEN has the nerve to tell you about the party. She should have had some tact to say the least! UGH!!

    Reply

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