Is It Supposed to Be This Hard?

October 30, 2008 at 8:34 am 3 comments

This past Tuesday, Max & Sara’s preschool teacher called me on my cell phone in the middle of the morning, during their class, which could only mean one of two things:  I’d been named mighty, exhaulted, parent volunteer of the year or my son had yet another outburst at school.

I’ll give you a hint…I won’t be calling designers to send free couture to wear at the ball held in my honor.

She indicated he’d spent his morning screaming, hollaring, swinging and engaging in disruptive behaviors that sent a few other kids over the edge in tears.  In the exasperation I heard through her voice, she made a request that my husband or I come into class with Max for, at least, half a day to assist in diffusing his outbursts until we can obtain more information from an upcoming behavioral and developmental evaluation.

This, my friends, is not the type of phone call one appreciates receiving in the middle of Target.

Max sometimes acts up at home, but nothing to the degree his teacher describes, at least not the frequency with which she seems to encounter his belligerance.  She tells me transitioning from the classroom train table usually sparks this behavior and results in his opting out of most group activities.  Recently, we began mimicking his school routine at home with much success and even presented him with what we’d planned on giving him for Christmas, a train set, in hopes that he’d get his fill of Sir Thomas here at home and not focus so much on this one, beloved toy at school.

Today, my husband escorted the kids to school as I’m under the gun with homework and a research paper due in the next couple of days.  He’s staying for the duration of the class to help out with Max.  As they left the house, I heard Sara screaming for me.  So, here I sit, waiting for my brood to arrive home in an hour, to hear all about their day, and while I stew, I’m pretending to be writing a 8 page paper on some governmental nonsense.  As you can see, I’m doing a fabulous job, no?

Between being shut out by the behavioral clinics that either won’t schedule us for 18 months, the stress of wondering whether my kid may be asked to leave his class, the feelings of pure failure, depression, anger and resentment, and the fact this couldn’t have come at a busier time in my life, what with my commitment to a full-time schedule of undergraduate classes, not to mention, that I look at my kids and all I see is sweet innocence, it’s enough to break a person.

I’m cracking under the pressure.

I have help lined up for me (read: therapy and much xanax, puhleeze) and have help, I think, for my kids for now until we are scheduled for an assessment sometime in early 2009.

Seriously, is it supposed to be this hard?   Yeah, I didn’t think so…


Entry filed under: Autism/Aspergers or Something Like It, Momma Drama. Tags: , , , , , .

Because Something Funny From This Way (must) Come Doctor? Doctor?

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Christy  |  October 30, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    I don’t know if it’s supposed to be, but it certainly is. Despite all the drama, your kids have a loving, caring mom and that’s more than a lot of kids can say.

  • 2. Double Agent Girl  |  October 30, 2008 at 6:42 pm

    As a single mom of two and a full time university student, I can feel your frustration and pain. But – you need to remember you’re doing a wonderful job. I’m sorry that the system is so frustrating.
    Just breathe. One thing at a time…

  • 3. Liz Davis  |  October 31, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    I feel for you. And I wish I could fix it and make it better. I just want to remind you that you have not failed, you just haven’t yet found a strategy that works.

    You are facing a new and unknown situation, but I have confidence that you will figure this one out. And when you do, your blog will help others to do the same. You are brave to share this with us, we all benefit from your honesty and willingness to open your heart to us. Thank you for that.

    I previously worked in a school with a large population of students on the spectrum. Through the work of some amazing people, all of these kids found ways to be successful, and their teachers (including me) learned how to better serve their needs and bring out their talents. I have faith that you will find a community of educators that will support you and your family.

    Hang in there.


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